Artista: Jeremy Jarvis

Whenever Red-Hot Hottie deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains “At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream ‘Aaah!’ at the top of your lungs.”

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you’re eating. (Gum isn’t food. We checked.)

: Add .
, : Untap target legendary permanent.

Redistribute any number of players’ life totals. (Each of those players gets one life total back.)

Flying
: Attach target Equipment you control to target creature you control.

Target player takes an extra turn after this one. Shuffle Beacon of Tomorrows into its owner’s library.

Enchant permanent
When Psychic Overload enters the battlefield, tap enchanted permanent.
Enchanted permanent doesn’t untap during its controller’s untap step.
Enchanted permanent has “Discard two artifact cards: Untap this permanent.”

Equipped creature has haste and shroud. (It can’t be the target of spells or abilities.)
Equip

Whenever a spell or ability causes a player to shuffle their library, Psychogenic Probe deals 2 damage to that player.

Equipped creature gets +3/+0 and has trample and lifelink.
Equip

Equipped creature has “: This creature deals 1 damage to any target.”
Equip (: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery. This card enters the battlefield unattached and stays on the battlefield if the creature leaves.)

Change the target of target spell with a single target.